July 3, 2008

Katie, that's AWESOME! You can read all about if you CLICK HERE!

Have Fun & Knock 'Em Dead tonight & tomorrow, Katie. Oh, and tell my buddies Sally & Tom in the Woodwinds section that the Wiz says Hello!










OK, It's a summer Friday night on the Vineyard, and you need some eats.
Nothing fancy, but no effort or excessive kitchen heat is a must.

There's an island tradition you should know about.

Follow the Volvos, pick-ups, & beach bikes to the Grace Episcopal Church at Woodlawn Ave. & William St. in Vineyard Haven from 4:30 to 7:30 every Friday night in the Season, and you'll arrive... at a traffic jam.

It's Lobster Roll Night!

"What's a lobster roll?", you ask?
You from away?

A lobster roll is a hot dog bun, just a regular hot dog bun, out of a bag, from a supermarket, filled with scoops of lobster meat salad (Recipe: Lobster meat, mayonnaise, maybe a little salt).

It's been a Yankee summer classic for millions of nostalgic New Englanders, since at least the advent of home movies.

They've been serving 'em up here at Grace Episcopal for about 20 years, according to volunteer Sandy Pratt.

I met Sandy in the kitchen, performing the most important step in the process; packing the lobster salad into the hot dog bun. Skimp she does not.

The whole volunteer staff, including many long-time veterans of the Lobster Roll Night crew, work with incredible efficiency and coordination. From the kind ladies at the pay table stationed near the door, to a two-man team working the serving table, to the whirring beehive in the kitchen, Friday Lobster Roll Night at Grace church runs like a top.

How are the lobster rolls here? Well, you should know that they use claw AND tail meat for their delish mix. They're maybe a little pricey ($13 CASH - they might take a check from an islander), BUT you do get a hefty lobster roll, a drink, & a bag of potato chips, AND the members of Grace church thank you for your support.

A poster on the bulletin board charts the phenomenal success of the event for the past several years. Over fourteen-thousand were sold last summer alone!

While I was there, Victor Lynn placed an order for EIGHT rolls to-go. Wow! He's got people coming over, he explained, as I was about switch to video mode. I noticed the kitchen staff shift into high gear, and Sandy told the crew "We've got an order for 26!". TWENTY-SIX!!!

Don't forget your drink!. They have 2 coolers available, good lemonade & good iced tea.
Not too tart, not too sweet.
It's serve-yourself, so pour your own 'half & half'.

Next, you'll need a piece of pie, too. It's $3 extra, but you MUST. As you can see in the picture on the right, there are several varieties for you to enjoy. There are the ones on the left, the ones next to them, the cream numbers, and the lemon jobs, as well as that one up there on the right. Mmmm!

Don't worry, they've got cardboard to-go trays to carry all your stuff securely.

I couldn't accurately describe lobster roll night without mentioning the warm vibe around this institution. As you wait in line (and wait, and wait...), you'll see many old friends run into each other, families enjoying an easy dinner and each other's company, and maybe even a celeb or two (My mother-in-law seems to run into the most celebs, and when asked who she's seen out & about she'll usually say something like, "You know, that handsome young fellow that used to be on that show". Grab your scrapbook!) .

So, you can take your goodies to-go, or you can share one of the big round tables inside, which is a great way to meet your neighbors or *ahem* fellow travellers.

People gab, children play: Americana so classic, Ralph Lauren could plotz.


Lobster Roll Night runs from 4:30 to 7:30, every Friday night from May to September at Grace Episcopal Church, located at the corner of William St. and Woodlawn Ave. Off-season, they host a community dinner here, and THAT's a trippy scene, caught in that weird space between Soup Kitchen and Philosophy Department. I'll keep you updated on that when the Season ends, Dreamers.

You can get all their info about Lobsters Rolls, worship services, events, etc. from their website: www.gracechurchmv.com.

Their phone number is (508) 693-0332.

Call ahead with big orders, and, if you can, park somewhere else & walk over, seriously.

Also, they open up the playground on the front lawn to keep the kids occupied, but it's strictly 'At Your Own Risk'.

So, Vineyard Dreamers (and TV Dude), I hope to see you soon at Lobster Roll Night.

May 29, 2008

So, have you noticed the fleet of tiny vehicles in bright primary colors at Adventure Rental in 5 Corners recently?

I wasn't quite sure what to make of them at first. Is this an outpost of the Teletubby Transit Authority? Is this some sort of PGA marketing campaign to get ravers golfing? WHAT ARE THEY?

Well, curiosity got the best of me, so I called Adventure to get some answers.

I spoke with the man in charge over there, Jason, who told me that Adventure Rental had recently started offering rentals of SMART Cars. In fact, Adventure is the only outfit on the island offering this exciting new vehicle.

When Jason graciously offered me an opportunity for a test drive, I jumped at the chance to try out this new phenomenon & share my thoughts with you, Vineyard Dreamers.

As I approached Adventure's tiny lot, I got my first good look up close. I had some...concerns.

These things are small. Actually, these things are TEENSY-WEENSY. Considering the fact that I'm kind of humunguous (6' 1", 840 lbs.), I was worried that I wouldn't be able to squeeze into the SMART Car. I'm not exactly claustrophobic, but I definitely wanted to avoid another episode like the time the staff at Chuck E. Cheese had to rescue me from one of their crawl-pipes.

Jason led me to my car, a blue SMART Car Fortwo Passion Cabriolet, and I got in.

Hey! Not bad at all. Plenty of room, comfy bucket seats, plus, my SMART Car was a CONVERTIBLE! The top folded back with a press of a button.

The rear-mounted 1.0 liter engine is a 70 horsepower tempest in a teapot, and it has a 5-speed "automated manual" transmission. Top speed is about 90 MPH, which is not exactly putt-putting.

You gearheads can check all the tech specs at SMART Car's site here: www.smartusa.com.

All I know is I had the top down, the sun was shining, the radio sounded great, and I had about an hour to cruise Martha's Vineyard in one cool li'l buggy. I put the pedal down and began my adventure.

Everywhere I went, people smiled and waved. Tourists snapped pictures. Other cars tooted hello. "Oooh," I thought, "This is FUN". But this car is more than fun. It is, after all, SMART.

The tiny engine is incredibly fuel-efficient, getting about 42 MPH, as configured for US emissions standards. That's certainly 'SMART', considering the island passed $4-per-gallon gas prices some time ago, and inches higher toward $5. Jason had instructed me, though, that the car required at least 93 octane fuel.

So, it can run on little fuel, but what if my car gets hit by a bicycle? I'll be a goner, right? Wrong. The SMART Car's surprisingly roomy cabin is designed to protect it's occupants in the event of a collision, and it's equipped with airbags. I felt safe.

But there's more...
Sometimes, when I'm supposed to meet someone in OB or Edgartown during peak months, I'll leave 45 minutes early so I can find parking. How many times have you circled around Ocean Park and down Kennebec Ave. hoping to get a space? It can feel like you've got better odds playing Megabucks. The SMART Car fits quite comfortably in the spaces you'd never dream of attempting in another vehicle. I even BACKED IN between two cars!

I parked in downtown Edgartown using this technique. An Edgartown police officer on traffic duty came over to investigate this strange little ride, and my perpendicular parking job. I asked him if he'd give me a ticket if he was out enforcing parking regs, and he told me he'd seen much worse from conventional vehicles. Phew!

So, the SMART Car is safe, comfy, gas-thrifty, and doesn't take up much space. Kind of sounds like a good car to drive on an island, huh?

This car isn't just SMART, it's downright sensible.

Satisfied with what I'd found out, I headed back to the Adventure Rental lot in Vineyard Haven. On the way, I picked up a hitchhiker, to A.) Help somebody out, and B.) See how comfortably two grown-ups could travel in this car.

My hitchhiker, Karla from Colombia, a student from Miami-Dade College working at the Shanty this summer, smiled as I pulled up.

"Hi, I'm doing a story about SMART Cars for my website. Can I take your picture?" I asked. "Sure," she said, "Can I take a picture of your car?"

SMART Cars are for rent at Adventure Rentals, 19 Beach Rd., Vineyard Haven.

Adventure's phone number is 508-693-1959.

Tell Jason or Erin or whomever you talk to over there that you read about it on Vineyard Wizard.com, 'K?



May 28, 2008



The Season is upon us, Vineyard Dreamers.

Just check out the Continually-Exploding-Surf-Party that moved in across the street yesterday.

Lauren, John, Arsalan, Ruth, Kate (see her?), Lex, Brie, Lily, Sydney (on ground), & Aaron representin' MassART & gearing up for an awesome Vineyard summer & possibly auditioning for my coming "Lost" parody.

Watch this space toward the end of the Season for further details, as I'll be auctioning off these fine young people for charity. Kiss me, Dawson!



May 24, 2008



OK, I'm not going to get into how I almost made the last boat home to the island: I do not wish to re-live it. I'm not going to get into the part about being hounded by a mob of typically drunken, Oxycontin-addled Cape Cod scumbags as I tried to get some sleep in the bus shelter on the Woods Hole side. No point in getting into my ride to the police station, or the long, lonely wait in the lobby of the station as the graveyard shift cops watched action movies. This, after all, is not a blog.

The point of this post is to tell you about the Patriot Boat.

The Patriot Boat is AWESOME.

The cop who sped me away from the howling gaggle of Falmouth troglodytes mentioned that if I was looking for the next boat to the Vineyard, I needn't walk back across town for the 6 am Steamship Authori-tay ferry. He took a quick detour from our trip to police headquarters to show me the dock in Falmouth Heights where the Patriot Boat departs at 4 am. BTW- I gotta say, the Falmouth cops were pretty cool dudes. But riding in the back of police cars can be a bit, um..., unsettling. Right, Falmouth?

Anyway, when 4 am approached, I blearily dragged myself down the road to the Patriot Boat dock.

As I approached, I saw the good ship Quickwater being loaded with stacks of newspapers from a distribution truck. So THAT'S how the papers arrive from the States so early in the morning (I'm useless before two pots of coffee, a half a pack of cigs, & Page Six in the mornin').

"Permission to Come Aboard, Sir?" I called out, with a fatigued salute. A sturdy, salty fellow emerged from below and smiled and invited me aboardship. It was starting to look like I was really going home, Toto.

The engine turned, the water churned, and soon, we were not only underway, but we were hauling. This boat has some serious muscle. For a second there, I felt a little like Ronald Reagan's adopted son. The captain came back aft to the platform to join us as we punched across the sound. Um... Who's driving?!

I might be just the latest wash-ashore to find out about the Patriot Boat, but I had to get the info to pass along to you, Vineyard Dreamers. I asked our captain, Dick Smith, for the skinny.

First of all, the Patriot Boat makes the trip from Simpson's Landing in Falmouth to the Marina dock, a/k/a the 'Island Queen' dock, in Oak Bluffs in 20 to 25 minutes, depending on the weather. "We'll get there faster than you get off the ferry", said Capt. Dick, with roguish pride. Also, the Patriot Boat is famous for making the crossing even when the ferry shuts down due to inclement weather. I asked Capt. Dick when the last time the Patriot was prevented from crossing due to foul conditions and he thought for a moment. "Well, there was that nasty winter gale in '85", he said.

Not only do they make regularly scheduled trips, but the Patriot Boat operates as a 24-hour water taxi service. So, if you find yourself stranded over there in Coke Shoals, the Patriot Boat will take you and your party (up to 6 passengers) across for $200 bucks. Heck, you can charter a trip to Nantucket for $200 an hour.

Additionally, their boats are available for your fishing excursion, party cruise, bicycle trip, and all other manner of seagoing amusements.

Oh, I've GOT to tell you this: The Patriot Boat has an offsite parking lot in Falmouth for $15 a day, AND....They have a FREE SHUTTLE that will take you from their parking lot to Wal-Mart, or your doctor's office, or a number of stops within a radius of a few miles from their lot.

You can get all the information about this wonderful, wonderful service from their website: www.PatriotPartyBoats.com

These guys work hard to make Vineyard life more manageable and more enjoyable for many Islanders and visitors. Patriot Boat, you are a lifesaver!

Our trip took about 22 minutes. I was deliriously happy to be back on the Vineyard. I scrambled onto the dock, made my way through the crowd of newspaper distributors waiting to divvy up the bundles in the pre-dawn cool, and stalked off into the jungle to behead Marlon Brando.

Thankyou, Thankyou, Capt. Dick & Patriot Boat!



May 15, 2008



If you're coming out of the basement of David Ryan's, for whatever reason, be sure to DUCK through the low basement door. Trust me on this one.

That reminds me: Make sure you buy or Netflix or steal the DVD 'The Lookout'. Awesome movie, as well as I can remember right now













May 2, 2008 4:26 pm





As the world by now surely knows, the April 15th election in Tisbury, Massachusetts, on the island of Martha's Vineyard, regarding allowing the sale of beer & wine to diners in some of the town's restaurants resulted in a tie. 690 Fer, 690 Ag'in.

News of the tie vote travelled around the nation and the world, to the amusement of many. Wire stories painted a whimsical portrait of democracy at work, writ small, in a New England village still fostering the puritanical anachronism of prohibition. Post offices and coffee shops here on the Vineyard were abuzz with conspiracy theories, and predictions of the recount.

The recount, conducted today in the meeting room of Town Hall, resulted in a final tally of 690 FOR to 692 AGAINST, with 19 being labelled as Blank.

Anxious observers fidgeted in their seats as the recount began at 2 pm. Representatives of both sides served in an official capacity, standing just behind election officials as questioned ballots were inspected.

As the results were announced at about 4:10 pm, the attendees' response could best be described as anticlimactic. A polite smattering of applause rose, and quickly died. Opponents of the bill beamed and hugged one another. Most left the hall rather quickly after the final tally was announced.

Tisbury, aka Vineyard Haven, has been a 'dry town' for decades, as "Prohibition was never repealed", to quote the locals' old saw. The issue has been a smoldering caldera of political tension in the town for years. Vineyard Haven is the busiest port on this island, and the only town on Martha's Vineyard where ferry service is conducted year-round. Despite the popular image of Martha's Vineyard as a summer playground for the rich and powerful, this town of about 2000 year-round residents has stayed true to it's heritage of being home to many of the Vineyard's working class families and a tradition of Yankee endurance.

The measure would have allowed diners in some of the town's restaurants to enjoy beer & wine with their meals, only in restaurants seating 30 or more. Under the measure, bar service would remain prohibited, as would retail sales of beer & wine.

Question 4 supporters claimed that prohibition severely impacts restauranteurs, as well as visitors to the island. Most of the town's restaurants that would have benefitted from passage are concentrated on Main St., close by the ferry dock where many thousands of tourists arrive every year. Many supporters of the beer & wine bill point out that although so many visitors arrive in Vineyard Haven, they prefer to travel to other towns, where they can enjoy a drink with their dinner.

The island of Martha's Vineyard, with an area of approxiamately 100 square miles, is home to six separate towns. Only two, Edgartown and Oak Bluffs, allow alcohol to be sold and served.

Susie Goldstein, proprietor of the Mansion House Inn & Spa, as well as Zephrus, one of the establishments that stood to benefit from passage of the measure, remained philosophical about the outcome. "I love seeing democracy in action. It's always fun here"."I imagine it will be revisited. We'll see what happens", she added. April 20, 2008




The Vineyard is abuzz with life and it's labors, the breezes smell sweet and carry the sounds of chirping birds, swinging hammers, the whine of power saws, the laughter of youths, and the joyous fanfare of radios as cars cruise by, windows open at last.

You should come check us out in this "Shoulder Season". In many of the Island's hotels, the rooms are still a little less expensive. The restaurants have opened their winter shutters, fired their ovens, and are eager to please visitors brave (smart) enough to come to our island as it's bright shine swells in these soft, pleasant, early months

March 25, 2008

OK, as of today, it's Baseball Season! A few mornings ago, I woke to a riot of thousands of red-breasted robins in my yard. Still have doubt that glorious Spring has arrived on Martha's Vineyard? Then know this: Dumptique is now OPEN!

The initiated know that Dumptique, at the West Tisbury Dump (er....'Transfer Station'), is the island's finest purveyor of good, and nearly-good, junk.

I made a point to swing by Dumptique recently, to get an early jump on the new season's best stuff. The large shed was a beehive of activity. Clearly, many islanders were employing the same strategy. It seemed many 'second-homers' were on-island on the day I went, and these spring-cleaners pulled up in a steady succession, depositing bag upon bag of items that might still be of use or interest to someone not sick of looking at them.

The dedicated ladies that process donations and operate the shop were all business, quickly and dispassionately assessing the value of each donation with expert discrimination. Shoppers distractedly scanned the bins, shelves, and hangers, while craning necks to observe the intake.

During a break in the action, I was able to talk with staffmember Evelyn, who expressed Dumptique's gratitude for the continued tradition of high-quality and generous donation. She also offered some guidelines to consider when preparing to donate your stuff to Dumptique. Basically, if you're stuff is 'tag-sale'-worthy, it would make a great donation to Dumptique. Obviously, they can't use broken items or ripped or hopelessly worn clothing . Sometimes, they open bags of soiled or moldy garments. Not only is this material unacceptable, but may become a matter for the West Tis board of health, which makes Dumptique look bad in town. Not cool. So, please pass along what you want to get rid of, but please only donate what has got enough gas in it to serve someone else.

Dumptique is a remarkable fountain of Vineyard karma. The Dumptique receives good stuff, and the Dumptique gives good stuff. Nothing has a price. That's right, it's all FREE. They do accept donations, and if you wish to please or thank the junk-gods, you should toss in a couple of bucks. The staff here are all dedicated volunteers, some having served a dozen or so years, helping get good junk into the right hands and keeping it out of the landfill.

People LOVE this place, and with good reason. You never know who you'll see here, and you never know what you'll find.

On my trip, I scored a shoe rack, a sturdy toy drum for my toddler, an electronic Speak & Spell (it works!), a nice basket, and a hideous green plastic spiralling vase. Awesome!

Dumptique is open Tuesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays from 9 to 4, as long as the temperature is over 35° F. They're located at the West Tisbury Dump at the end of Old Stage Rd., off State Rd. (across from Takemmy Farm).

Check it out, it's Dumptastic!